i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
