I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
