Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I am in a vortex of obligation.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
