Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
