Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
