Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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