Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
