whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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