i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
