SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
