kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
