just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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