if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize