if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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