so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
