I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
