is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
