There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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