i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
