If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
