I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
