We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
