He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
