peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
