Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
