I murdered the dance floor call the cops
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize