I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And then my night got REAL pukey
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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