trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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