Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
