Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize