i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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