are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
