forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
