Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
