and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
