Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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