Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
