how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
