I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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