Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
