Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
