WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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