I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize