Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
