The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
