I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
