Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
