Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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