I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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