just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
These tits shall not be calmed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
