I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
