i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize