I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
