yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
