I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize