your parents love me but you hate me
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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