When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
