Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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