Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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