just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
