No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize