Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
