mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just want nice things and good sex
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
