hotel room ftw
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
