i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Mom said you looked used
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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