Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's shark week go big or go home
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
