Porn is love you can see.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
