Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize