I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
This toilet bowl is my home.
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