Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
