I think scott just propositioned me for sex
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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