Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize