god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
