The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize