My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you inspire me to be a worse person
ttyl tear gas
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
