How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
