I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
