Apparently you make a good broom.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
