My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
