I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
