Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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