I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
