i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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