I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just high enough for therapy.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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