He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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