Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize