literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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