R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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