can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
