Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
