the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dear god my vagina.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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