remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
